GOING HOME

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Three weeks ago, we left home to go home and just got home on Friday.

Oy. It feels as confusing as it reads.

Being an expat has challenged every preexisting notion of "home." What exactly is "going home"? Is home the place on your passport (U.S.), your residence card (Spain), or your driver's license (should-be-Barcelona-but-improperly-still-Massachusetts)? Is it where your immediate family lives (Spain), where your extended family lives (Virginia, DC, Boston, Florida, San Francisco, OKC), or where all your crap lives (90% ático apartment in Barcelona/10% actual attic in Boston)? Even if the four of us live in Barcelona, can "home" possibly be a place where you've gotta use Google Translate to converse with strangers?

Moreover, can you just arbitrarily decide to change your home? Europeans have a totally different bar for answering: "Where are you from?" It doesn't suffice to list the last city you lived in or simply state your nationality; I typically answer "the U.S." but am always pressed for where, exactly, I'm from. ("Well, I spent 16 years in Florida, 2.5 in Virginia, 4 in North Carolina, 2 in Atlanta, 8 in Boston...") Most people here will answer with the exact city (or often, village) they're from — where their whole family is and always has been from — and find it difficult to relate to my stereotypically American response. I'm not sure where I'm from, but I'll surely never be from Spain; does that mean it can't be home?

So here we are, six months in, still mulling over these questions. We spent three wonderful, whirlwind weeks in the U.S. visiting family and friends — all of which felt very homey — and just returned to our apartment (which really feels like home) in our neighborhood (which feels familiar and home-like) in Barcelona (which still feels like a super cool city we're just borrowing for a while). Like many an expat, we've made our peace with the fact that "home" will remain a fluid concept for the time being. And at least for today, I'm happy that our right-now "home" is the one with a 15-day forecast of cool, sunshiny winter days. 

Happily back at "home" on the beach overlooking the mediterranean. for now, i'll take it.